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(skip intro – click on Cancer Diaries above)

 

Hello and welcome to my blog :)

Make yourself a nice cup of tea, take a seat on your favourite chair, and let me guide you through my journey with cancer.
There will be plenty of malignant tumours, thousands of mean, cancerous cells and gallons of poison, – expertly named ‘chemotherapy’, flowing through my veins and the pages of this blog.
I know. It’s all so exciting you can barely stand still!
And just to be on the safe side, grab a Kleenex tissues box. Keep it at the ready.

This is not going to be fun. Cancer is not fun. 

Before we delve head-on into my cancer diaries, lets take a few moments and get to know each other better.

I consider myself the most unfortunate person from here, to Timbuktu.
And you know what?
I might well be!
Don’t just take my word for it; instead, let us ponder over the facts.

My name is Andrea Si (not quite, but close enough). 
I am 49 years old.
I’ve been living in Dublin, Ireland for the past 15 years, but I’m not Irish. Unfortunately I’ve got no cute freckles, no Titian red hair and shiny curls to be proud of and show to the world. I love Ireland though, and with my curless hair blowing in the winds, I wander over its green hills chasing enchanted Leprechauns at the end of magic rainbows. Even if it’s only in my imagination, I’m Irish too.  

I should also add that English is not my first language – please excuse the inevitable mistakes.

I’m single.
Very, totally single.
10 years ago I broke up with my 8 year-long partner, and since then, have never been able to go back on the dating scene again. Ten years and not even a date, let alone anything more intimate.
A decade is a long time and I think I know why it happened. 
First, it’s the darn competition.
Have a look at all these amazing Irish women surrounding me. They’re so beautiful, they take my breath away. No wonder men don’t lovingly serenade my windows. These men are smart, they know they would be doing it at the wrong glass.
And then, I’m also shy and independent.  
To tell you the truth, I quite liked being single.    
Today however, I’m paying a high price.
49 years old, diagnosed with cancer and I have no one to turn to.
No husband, no boyfriend and also, no family.

And that brings us to my family. Or lack of it.
I’m the only child. No brothers, no sisters.
My mother died of ovarian cancer. I was 11, she was 38. Beautiful and young, intelligent and highly educated, my mother was my hero, my life. 
The day she died, cancer got super-efficient. Not only it took away my mother’s life, but it ended mine too. 
Her death teared a hole in my soul.
It hurts and bleeds, today as much as ever. Incapable of healing, I lived a wounded life, constantly missing and looking for her love.  
A couple of years after the death of my mother, my father remarried. A naval architect he designed beautiful ships to conquer the seas. The pay-cheques were fat and the social status was high. Widowed and with only one child (me), my father decided the time was right to reward himself with a consolation trophy. Nothing more suitable to such a successful man, than a shiny, new bride.
I bet you already know what’s coming. It’s a sad cliché, and you’ve heard it a thousand times before.
The age gap between the newly weds – 18 years.
My fathers’ wife was much closer to my age than his. 
Imagine this slightly cheap, overly glamorous looking thing, with long, vivid red nails, (I hated her nails, they were long, curved and she always painted them in bright red), big boobs (natural, I have to add), high heels, short skirts and plenty of makeups. 
The epitome of a stepmother from hell.  
Mean, jealous and completely uncaring.
With no children of her own, my stepmother regards me as the enemy. To be eradicated. She thinks she hates everything about me, but in reality there’s only one thing she can’t stand – the fact that I was born.  
At the time of their marriage I was a child, young and innocent. I didn’t understand certain things. By certain things I mean things like the mystifying power of sex and long, red nails, over middle-aged men with attractive bank accounts.
Suddenly cornered in my room, I would cry and miss my mother everyday. I missed my father too, and kept on wondering what had happened to his love for me. Where did it all go? What did the carefully manicured red nails do to it? Scratch it out of existence?
Whatever they did, I never got my father’s affection back, and at some point I simply had to stop begging.   
‘Grow up Andrea! He doesn’t love you anymore! Now go on, live your own life!’
And I did.
Last time I spoke with my father, 17 years ago.
He doesn’t know I’m dying, and I have no intention of contacting him.

Beware young mothers out there!
This was a lesson for you.
Don’t you dare get cancer, die and leave your children to your husbands!
Today they might look like wonderful, caring fathers, but give it a few more years and the long, red nails may well start tearing deep into the souls of your children too.
Stay alive and away from cancer ladies, take good care of yourselves. Your kids need you!

And now, since you’ve learned a little bit about me, let us go back to Timbuktu.
Am I getting the prize?
Am I indeed the most unfortunate person on the planet and on the road to Timbuktu?

Well, let’s summarize.
Old? (49) Tick.
Single? Tick.
No family? Tick.
Status of bank accounts? (Less than 10 euros). Tick.
Properties? (I pay rent for a small attic on top of a house. One tiny room, one window, one bathroom). Tick.
Any other assets? (A 5-year-old computer, a diamond ring). Tick.
And what about cancer? (Bingo!) Tick! Tick! TICK!
(getting tick-er happy)
Is it a lot of cancer? More than usual? TICK! TICK! TICK!
(tick-er extasy)

There are millions of people diagnosed with cancer all over the world. There are innocent children fighting cancerous cells, flickering lights in the night, who die before even having had a chance to live. The thought of them, and every other cancer patient, breaks my heart.
Tears roll down my face, and I whisper a wish.
I wish that you, the cancer patient, would read my story; I wish that it would give you hope and strength to fight this back. 
Because although you know quite a lot about me, there’s something about my story I haven’t told you yet. My diagnosis. 
And that is what makes me unique.
It is precisely my diagnosis that elevates me to the top of the list for the prize to Timbuktu.  
It’s a terrible and ugly thing, my diagnosis, but look!
I’m still alive!
If someone like me can make it, so can you!
Get up, right now, and start the fight!
For your mothers and daughters, for your family and friends, for all those around you, who love and cherish you, fight this back!

I spent a lot of time on this page, and it wasn’t easy. I’m sick and I’m in pain. You owe me a promise.
Promise me that you will never give up.
Promise me that you will do everything you can, to stop it from killing you.
Promise me that you will stand tall and beautiful, look up at the stars, and tell them: ‘I will live another day!’

Promise me …

Fading in the distance, I will be shadowing you, and thinking of you, while holding tight to my golden Timbuktu prize. You won’t be alone. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And now, before we click on ‘Cancer Diaries’, let us spend a few more moments to talk about this blog.

I’m going to start with my fear of writing it.
It took me a long time to gather enough courage to open these doors.  
This blog is personal, intimate and sometimes a bit sad.
Please remember that this is my soul you’re looking into. I’ve got cancer, I’m lonely and sick. Be gentle.

This blog is dedicated to cancer patients all over the world. It is dedicated to you, the bold, the shaking and the frightened cancer patients with tears in their eyes and shadows of Death hanging over their heads. 
I understand your fears and I cry over your pains.
I am one with you.
My goal with this blog is to try to help.
If I can achieve that, even in the smallest way, my wish is granted and I’m rewarded with joy. 
I want to give.
Please take, this is all for you!

This blog will guide you through my journey with cancer. I will tell you how I felt and what I did, but there will be no advice.
One important rule to keep in mind is that when it comes to cancer, one size does not fit all.
Cancer is a highly sophisticated and personalised disease. What worked for me, may not work for you, what happened to me, will probably not happen to you.
The only people capable of correctly treating you are your doctors. Always follow their advice.

To those searching for miracle treatments, a word of warning – there will be none. I have no idea how to cure cancer. But I’m in good company here, because nobody does.
Let me tell you that again – nobody knows how to cure cancer.
A reliable cure, a cure to work for (most) everyone and all types of cancer, has not yet been discovered and it will take a long time before they finally do. If ever. 
Cancer is a super-intelligent, incredibly complicated, natural way of killing us.
Later on in this blog, I will go a lot deeper into the mechanics of cancer, but for now, know this: cancer was designed to not be easily beaten.
Today, cancer kills 1 in 4 people. 1 in 2 men, 1 in 3 women. It is indeed a mighty efficient manner to end our lives. 
Yes, many, many people win the fight over cancer. They survive it, (please note, the keyword here is ‘survive’) for 5, 10 and even 25 years. But to insure success, there are a lot of variables that need to come into play – type of cancer, stage of cancer, pathology of the malignant cells, age and health of patient, to name just a few. And don’t forget the hand of Fate, your lucky star.   
Is it shining your way?
Is chemotherapy working?
Was surgery successful?
If your answer was three times ‘Yes!’, then you have them all – fate, stars and the science of medicine paving your way to a long, long life. 
Enjoy it and remember to be kind to other people. Every day.   

I’m not a cancer survivor. This story doesn’t have a happy ending. My journey with cancer is still unfolding and it will probably end with my death.
Oh! Come-come now! No need to be sad and worry about the future. 
I’m not dead yet!
Alive and kicking, and without further ado, I invite you to follow me on, to the world of ‘Cancer Diaries’.

Let’s find out how it all began …

Click Here for ‘Cancer Diaries’ – The first symptoms

34 Responses to Home

  1. Therese says:

    Dear Anna – what a wonderful writer you are! I can’t believe that English is not your native language (though I know it isn’t) but goodness, to write so well in a language not your own is……amazing to me. I’m subscribing so I get all your posts. See ya next time I’m in Dublin!!

    Therese (Pam’s sis in Canada).

    • Cancer By 2 says:

      Thank you, Therese :)
      Thank you for taking the time to read my blog, for your kind words and for your sympathy. I know you feel about me, and I know you’re sorry that I have to go through all this. Pamela and Angie and Jessie and your Mom, do too.
      It’s not an easy journey to travel through so much cancer, but a few words of kindness, can, and always do, make a difference.
      Thank you :)
      Hope everything is alright, up there, in beautiful Canada, with your family and your life.
      Come on!
      Hurry up for a visit! You never know how long will I still be around :)
      Wishing you all the best,
      Anna

  2. Bob Myrick says:

    Anna,

    I just read your first page and the pride I have in you cannot be compared easily. One thing you mention and is never to be forgotten – you are never alone. You are an unusual and special woman that I am pleased to know! (Now to read the rest of your blog)

    Bob

    • Cancer By 2 says:

      Wow!
      Bob!
      So nice, nice to see you here :)
      Thank you for your kind words, but please don’t feel obliged to read the whole blog. I’m not that good of a writer and it will bore you to death.
      And afterall, you already had your own (your wife’s) encounter with cancer, I don’t think it’s a subject you like much :)
      I don’t feel well, Bob, not at all. I’m vomiting and I’m in pain, all the time.
      Please remember my surgery, this Thursday.
      Think of me and keep your fingers crossed for me :)
      I’ll talk to you in a few days, when it’s over.
      Hugs,
      Ana

  3. Bob Myrick says:

    Ana,
    It seems that all I have to offer you is love and support; I can do nothing else right now. The pain and nausea you are feeling is horrible I know. I will always be here and will cross everything I have for your surgery Thursday. Please take good care of yourself, you are loved! By the way, you ARE an excellent writer – I dearly love your blog. Let me know how you are when you can. I do care for you.
    Bob

  4. Bob Myrick says:

    Ana, Thursday has gone on by in your country. We wait patiently (well mostly) for a report from you. I hope all went well for you; you are loved Beautiful. Let us know when you can.

    Bob

  5. Bob Myrick says:

    Ana,
    I really am worried about you. Please let me know here, send a message or an email please!
    Bob

  6. Anonymous says:

    Buenos dias Andreea!!! Hace muchos dias que no se nada de ti! Estoy muy preocupada! Por favor necesito solo una señal que estas bien! Mandame un correo o dejame una notita aqui para estar tranquila!
    Gabriela

  7. Anonymous says:

    Has anyone heard from Andrea? I am worried about her.

    • Bob Myrick says:

      I have not heard from her since the 19th of October. I too am worried about our friend.
      Bob

      • ebb says:

        I am also checking in periodically for updates, and am concerned about our friend and how she is feeling. I will be patient, hopeful and calm, and just keep visiting to look for news.

  8. Bob Myrick says:

    Ana, we need an update from you badly. I am so worried about you!

  9. Gaby says:

    Buenas tardes Andreea hace mucho tiempo que no see nada de ti y estoy muy preocupada. Hay dias que miro hasta trec cuatro veces para ver si has postado algo nuevo. Espero que estes bien y te deseo lo mejor! Un abrazo y muchos besos!

  10. Anonymous says:

    Just to let you know that I met Andreea recently (in the Post Office!). I told her that people are worried about her and wondering what has happened to her. She has been having chemo and is very ill from it. Also she is having radiotherapy this week. It’s a tough time for her but hopefully she will be well enough to update soon.
    Irene.

  11. gabriela says:

    Muchas gracias por la informacion Irene. Dale muchos abrazos,besos y mimos de mi parte. Dile que estoy pensando mucho en ella y que le deseo lo mejor y que se recupere pronto.Besos Gabriela.

  12. Barbara D'Angelo says:

    You’re a beautiful writer; and a brave, beautiful person. Your intro brings tears to my eyes…and your willingness to share brings so much compassion. Stay strong, and come back to when you’re feeling able again.
    Barbara

  13. Anonymous says:

    Sending my wishes for improvements in your health. Your blog is brave and beautiful and I’m hoping you can continue to allow the Teal Family to join in your journey. Love and prayers, Mary

  14. Ari Idan says:

    Hello, my name is Ari, I am a survivor (so far…) of two cancers, a widower of a cancer victim (now re-married..) and is dedicated to fighting cancer, and helping others do so.
    I lived in Toronto, Canada (my family is in southern California), and last year, after marriage, I moved to the Philippines. I am majority owner of a Dialysis clinic, and built a unique cancer clinic, the one I dreamt of having when my first wife was struggling. I took her to Mexico clinics twice, for treatments (which were very successful!), talked to dozens of physicians, and always found lack of properly equipped clinics, which could do a lot better if they were.
    Along the way, I have gained insight of how proper Hyperthermia should be applied. This is a method which doubles the success rate of conventional therapies, and alternative ones as well, provided it is done properly. I have purchased the most powerful device for this, and added two other types of devices, which when applied in the right order, prevent a process of DE-sensitizing of cancer cells to the effects of specific frequency hyperthermia. We also do mild whole body hyperthermia in order to strengthen the immune system (with no side effects),and help reach the right thermo-therapeutic levels within the tumour.(the right temperature simply destroys the tumour…). There are also other aspects to this, biological ones, which for lack of commercial incentive (UN-patentable..) is not pursued by multinational pharmaceutical corporations which control all medical research in the field.
    I also introduced other forms of immunotherapy, and alternative cytotoxic elements, such as Helixor, a mistletoe extract, which has three times better success rate then most chemo agents, without the side effects.
    I can give information about many clinics I learned about, (mainly in Mexico and Germany
    If you are interested in getting free advice, please feel free to contact me, @ advancedcancertherapies@yahoo.com
    Thanks,
    Ari Idan

  15. Ari Idan says:

    Dear anna,
    I was thinking about your life experience.. and it is heavy, difficult to deal with. I can share with you personal experiences, which have some parallels, and family members with perhaps harder
    fate to swallow… but public blog is not the proper channel.. so if you e-mail me, I shall (PROMISE!) write.
    Take great care of yourself!
    Ari

  16. brian smith says:

    Please do not trust this Ari IDan. He masquerades as an expert in hyperthermia, when infact all he wants to do is to promote his cancer place in the Phillipines. His promo material contains lines such as ” We guarantee a 30% reduction in your tumour ir your money back”….doesn’t he know that there is no exact way to measure a tumour ? His promo email makes no mention of any doctors or oncologists at his facility, no mention of qualifications or even an address. Please be aware and know that his ‘tips’ are suspect and not from a qualified source. Ari Idan has already been removed from the Inspire cancer support web site.

  17. Cameron Von St. James says:

    Hi,

    I have a quick question about your blog. Could you email me when you get a chance?

    Cameron

  18. Dubya says:

    Is Andrea ok??

  19. Mose says:

    Hello There. I found your blog using msn. This is an extremely well written article.
    I’ll make sure to bookmark it and return to read more of your useful info. Thanks for the post. I’ll definitely comeback.

  20. Anonymous says:

    Andrea – I stumbled on your blog, I’m not sure how. I noticed that the last post was in Dec of 2011. You are not alone. The power of the internet. We, all of us, are with you. Andrea. Are you out there?

  21. Gabriela says:

    I feel that I have to give this news so tragic.Andreea has died the day May 27-2013 on the six o’clock. Rest in peace(((((((((((

    • Marg V says:

      I am so very sorry to hear that. I hope she knew there were those of us out here who she had never met who felt like we were with her. She was not alone.

  22. Bob Myrick says:

    We of the Inspire web site will miss her terribly. She was beautiful and caring. What an intelligent woman, so easy to know.

  23. mabelrae80 says:

    Sure early detection is not a cure by any stretch, but it sure can save your life

    http://cancerstricken.com/can-breast-cancer-be-cured

  24. Mel says:

    Thank you so much for sharing, you are so brave and honest, thank u once again, you look beautiful

  25. Mel says:

    Thank u for sharing, what a beautiful soul you are

  26. Judy says:

    Hi there! My name is Judy. I have a quick question I was hoping you could answer. Send me an email when you get a moment at judy.cohen (at) recallcenter (dot) com

    Talk to you soon! Thanks!

    • Anonymous says:

      andreea is dead people but she loved you each and everyone of you it was a wonderful women and we love her fight back don t give up hope we love you love is the key be blessed

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